Man! This not being able to sleep thing is getting pretty old!! I get really tired, but when I try to go to sleep, I can't turn my brain off!! It's kinda crazy! I have like the worst ADD I swear! I can't hold still to save my life. John gets annoyed because I'm always shaking my leg or something while I'm laying in bed!! Last week it was so bad that I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I have had in a long time.
It was five in the morning and I still wasn't sleeping and Mattea woke up and was crying and I just didn't know what to do. I know it sounds silly, but at that moment I was so overwhelmed....... Iwas crying un controllably and poor little Mattea is just wrapping her arms around me. It's like she knew I needed her to calm down. She just hugged me.......It's amazing what the hug of your child can do to you!
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I'm getting ready to go back to work and I haven't worked since before Mattea was born. I'm going to be dancing again which is so awesome. But with that comes the responsibility of getting back into shape. John says I'm doing good and he can really tell a difference, and I believe him........It's just at times I see myself as this fat cow and there is no way they are going to want me to be up on their stage!!!!! I still struggle with the fact that I got so out of control with my weight a few years ago. I was VERY depressed and food was my comfort. Now that I am getting myself back to my old self........it is a little terrifying. I'm so scared I will fail......somehow.........
Things are going so well right now. John is doing great with work, Mattea is healthy, and I'm going to dance again.......just somehow.......I keep waiting for the ball to drop.......for something to let me know that it's not all good............
Okay, I need to quit thinking and go to sleep.......this thinking is not too good for me at the moment!
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