I think I'm going with some nice pinkish purple tonight!!!
Well, here it is, almost midnight. I've been trying to sleep since 9:30! Obviously, this hasn't worked. I even took my prescription sleeping medicine (no, not the one that makes me loopy, so this post WILL make sense!) But, here I am.
I have a lot on my mind lately. Like I said in the last post.....I'm a work in progress! I have been struggling lately. About five years ago, I was diagnosed bipolar. At first, I was freaked, because, I thought of what people would think of me......But, it is a disorder that is not in my control! I wouldn't be ashamed of Diabetes or Cancer, as my Mom put it. Well, I had it pretty well under control until after Cecelia. Since then, I have been up, down, and all around.
Lately, I feel like I have lost myself. Lost my joy. And for those who know me......I have a lot of Joy!!! I have been so wrapped up in being Mommy, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Friend...I have forgotten about myself and who I am. So, I am taking time to find myself again. I am going to be attending an intensive counseling retreat next week, and I can't wait. I know that there is nothing but good in store for my family and I.
Why am I posting about this? Well, far too often, I feel like we have to put on a "face" you know, life is wonderful! I have no complaints! My kids are perfect and NEVER act up..... Ya know.....keepin up with the Joneses....But, I feel like a lot of us have feelings, fears, and hangups that we never talk about. We just push them down farther. I just want to put it out there.......I have some issues!!!!! But, the good thing is, I am willing to accept that I am not perfect and seek the help I need! Luckily for me, I have the Lord on my side. I know he will never leave me. I keep telling myself......he will NEVER give me more than I can handle. Turn to him!! He is there!!
But enough about my ramblings. Hopefully, someone found some comfort in this.......know you are not alone......we don't all have it together!!!!
Honestly its nice to hear when others have problems and that you are not the only one. I know what you are going through. I am not bi-polar however I do have been medicated for years for anxiety. I am terified for the day the medications stop working. I am also going through a low. I keep bleaming it on the weather here in Utah. I just hope I start to perk up in the spring. Family support is the best medician in the world. So turn to them for comfort.
ReplyDeleteI love this post Kara! I am sorry to hear that you are going through this, but love your attitude! So many times we read and post blogs only about perfection when we all have reality to face. Good luck and keep writing! :-)
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